To Fall In Love
by dragons-chronos
Summary: Steve has some unhealthy coping mechanisms. (Connected with "I Dream Of Love In 1945.")


**Steve has some unhealthy coping mechanisms.**

* * *

**I don't own Marvel or the characters. I own nothing here except for the plot. Please read and review.**

* * *

**To Fall In Love**

**2013**

Steve saw them together again chuckling side by side. Her smile reserved. It would take them a few more months to feel more comfortable with each other. He experienced it first hand.

The sketch in his hands was complete. It was time for him to go.

**2012**

The sun was bright as he remembered it to be. There they were, walking and in silence each other. Like any other park goers, he occupied himself. A couple of more shades of red was all he needed. Another line, curve, tones, and figure to remember her by.

A bright beam notified him that he only had a couple more minutes left.

Everything was so simple. Simple.

His breath hitched as he saw the past Steve talk with her. The awkwardness and the shy smile he gave to her pierced his own heart. She returned it with her sly smirk. A small chuckle escaped from his lips, done.

Steve stood up from the park bench. He glanced at them again and left.

**2016**

Australia had the best coffee he ever tasted. The aroma was enticing. He saw his targets at the corner of the cafe. He knew this mission. Perfectly. It was their previous mission before Lagos.

They both had taken the cover of some honeymooning couple.

It was strange to see how close they were right now. Close. But not too intimate. Why? The cowardice in his heart had prevented him from make a move. He never felt to affirm what they have.

It was natural.

The culprit arrived in the cafe. Steve knew it was his cue. He took another sip of his coffee before exiting the cafe.

**2014**

The December cold was comforting in its way. He spots their disguises a mile away hats, glasses, scarves, and heavy coats their go-to outfits. It was a spur of the moment when they both went out of the tower. Nothing special, nothing worth noting- they both wanted to see the world wrapped in white.

Her red hair shone brightly against the lamp lights. They were talking with each other with confidence. Not comfortable, it was trust.

His tongue burnt at the sip of the hot chocolate. It spilled on his drawing. He cursed. They turned their heads towards him. The trees hid his figure.

Steve dumped the cup in the bin. He didn't want to alert them, and so he walked away, taking his ruined art.

**2019**

He saw himself assisting her at the shelter. The months after Thanos was hard for Earth, the whole universe. It was her sheer will that held them all together. She was his source of strength, not only to him but to many others too.

Roll. A child ran towards him. "My ball!"

He stooped down and grabbed it. The child cocked its head to the side. He offered the ball back. Then. Natasha.

"Taylor, where are you?"

"I'm here, Ms. Natasha," the child turned and called out. He panicked.

He didn't hesitate to press the button of his suit.

**2023**

"Why are you here, Captain Rogers?" Hank Pym inquired as he crossed his arms. Janet Van Dyne looked at him.

"I need to talk to you both," Steve replied.

"Come in."

The old house was dusty. The Pym's were cleaning up their abandoned home. Janet gestured him to sit on one of the blanketed chairs. He accepted. Hank went to the kitchen, leaving them both alone.

"I used to look at your pictures as a young woman," Janet started. "You're a very inspiring man, Captain. Your courage at frontlines..."

"Thank you. I did what I did for the people," Steve acknowledge, he shifted on his seat. "I've heard from Hope about the missile."

"I did my duty as you did," she smiled at him.

"Duty. Yes, we did our duty."

"But that's not why you're here. I know that look, I see it on my husband."

"I- I'm not sure... a look...?"

"Yes, that look- a weary face that lost its love. When we first saw each other after many years, I saw it on his face. It marked him. Who is she? Peggy Carter?"

"No. No. It's not about love."

Hank arrived with a pot of tea and biscuits. He settled next to his wife. Both of them snuggled closer to each other. They looked content to be with each other after many years.

"So, again. Why are you here, Captain?" Hank asked him. He stared at the slouched posture of the Captain before him.

Steve took a deep breath.

**2017**

That was close.

He walked at the empty streets of Scotland. The small village was one of their hideouts on the run. But today was different. T'challa had invited them to Wakanda at this moment. He peered at the house they used to reside. Empty.

Steve picked the lock of the door. It was not complex lest they raise attention to themselves. The smell of old tomes, tulips, and day-old bread greeted him.

He saw Wanda's coat sprawled on the couch, Sam's boots, and Natasha's battered copy of Anna Karenina. His hand traced the title with his fingers. He explored the house.

Then he stumbled upon her room. Not stumbled but deliberate.

There were no pictures on the walls or the bedstand, But he knows it's hers. Natasha. Weapons, maps, and gadgets were on her bed. A small duffel bag was within her reach.

Her familiar scent bombarded him.

His heart ached. No, he must go, it was dangerous for him to linger any longer.

**2018**

Valentines Day was busy. They had tracked down some members of the Ten Rings planning an attack. He perched on the rooftop to observe them.

The past him was sporting a beard while he whispered to her ear. On this mission, they were posing as a married couple. Guitars, drums, and trumpets sounded over the streets of Havana. They were then dancing along with the other tourists.

She taught him to dance for this one.

His eyes trained on Wanda and Sam observing the situation on the parameters. They were unable to see him. He thanked the Pym's and Tony again.

He could not change this timeline only watched how it unfolds.

**2022**

It was painful to see her so close yet so far. She was handing out some candies to the children dressed up for the Halloween. His other self was there too. Both were in their costumes.

It was the little things they did together to show the world it's okay.

It's okay.

No, his world was not okay.

"Thank you, Black Widow and Captain America!"

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

The two heroes laughed. Natasha leaned to the child dressed as Black Widow. "You're welcome."

The children strolled the streets again.

"Be good kids. Don't eat too many sweets. One chocolate a day," his other self advised. There were no more trick or treaters.

The night was late.

"I guess that's the last of them," Natasha declared. Her bag of sweets was running low.

"Well, it's already late. I still got some chocolates, Nat."

"Leave them here- I know you're not too fond of them. Tomorrow I'll have some volunteers give them out to some kids who can't come."

"It's nice to see you this happy."

"You've been busy, and I've been busy. But I'm mostly happy, Steve."

Natasha trembled. His other self reached to touch her hand. Over time the weight of the Snap stretched them thin. He felt foolish for the years wasted. Coward.

He couldn't bear to see himself stumble.

**2023**

Steve called Bucky to met him. He had already drunk his way everything. It numbed him down for a couple of minutes before he's back at it again. Things were beginning to set in his mind.

"Steve?" Bucky knocked on the door.

"It's open," he managed to voice out. He took another swig of, bourbon? Whiskey?

His place was, for the most part, clean, except for the bottles and cans of liquor. Bucky calmly sat on the chair opposite his best friend. The lights were dim. Though, people were partying outside the streets of Brooklyn.

"How are you, Steve?" Bucky inquired. His hands clasped.

Steve took a pause. "Good, good. We did it. We saved the universe."

"I've heard from Clint and Bruce. I'm sorry."

"We did it, no need to feel sorry. Whatever it takes..."

"I know that the two of you were close. Steve, it's okay."

Steve smashed the bottle to the floor. Bucky flinched. Tears were now streaming from his friend's face. They had lost too much. Too much. Time. Family. Loved ones.

"It sucks, Buck. It hurts. It fucking hurts! Why! Why!"

**2015**

Natasha and Wanda were on the compound running on the track. The younger girl was training with the senior Avenger.

He felt like a creep watching them.

"Come on, Wanda," Natasha ordered. "Let's build it up."

"I'm hungry," Wanda replied. They stopped.

"A battle doesn't stop because you're hungry."

"I know, I know. Ten minutes, just ten minutes."

Natasha looked at the girl once more. Her watch told her that they'd been running for a while. She had come from a long way since Ultron. She sighed. "Okay, but be back after fifteen."

He was now alone with Natasha as Wanda left.

Wanda ran from the training room. She smiled as she saw Steve walking to the training room. "Natasha's in there, Captain."

"Yeah, breakfast is ready. The others are there Wanda," the Captain remarked. Wanda heeded his words. He walked towards the room.

Steve noticed his past self come through the door that Wanda just exited.

"Hey, Captain," Natasha called out. Her body was sweaty from running.

"Breakfast is waiting. Wanna eat?"

"Nah, later. I got to burn some calories. Want to spar?"

Another routine for them on the calm days as Avengers, Steve missed these days. He watched their past selves fight. While Thor and he would combine their attacks, she would always have his back. The way they fight together felt tuned as a dance.

He took a step back.

**2021**

The ball was in full swing. Tony and Pepper were holding the annual masquerade for the Snap. The proceeds of the night were for the survivors. It felt uncomfortable hiding out here. Steve fidgeted on his spot, seeing the lively faces of Tony and Natasha.

Natasha elegantly dressed in a long silken red dress. Her mask had not hidden her beauty.

She was the belle of the ball. He could not stop but stare at her. He wasn't the only one who was admiring her. Then the orchestra started a tune of the waltz. Blue Danube.

He saw herself approach his past self.

Why couldn't he see it back then?

**2020**

Rather than watch his self burn more chances, he opted to admire the rising sun. He washed down the bagel in his mouth with coffee. Too bitter for his taste, but it suited his situation.

Steve sighed.

It was not working.

But there was a silver lining.

**2014**

His back here again. He always went back to this year. This time they were both in London chasing a lead. Both of them were alone while Sam had taken time off to be with his mother.

Their past selves were incognito eating along KERB King's Cross.

He occupied himself with some Filipino cuisine. The taste was distinctive but familiar. He saw a great crowd lining up all over the stalls in the area. It was far from the future he had come from- so different. The place was desolate after the Snap in the future.

The memories of their time here in London resounded in him. Far more as he saw his past selves talking animatedly with each other.

"Is this seat occupied?"

Steve startled at the voice. He glanced up to see, a man or a woman? The person was in robes like a monk. It was the Ancient One.

"You've come from far and near, Captain Rogers. I thought you'd be on your way to the past."

"I am in the past," he pointed out. The Ancient One sipped their drink.

"Yes, but you had visited many worlds, many timelines. A small butterfly now comes and goes when you appear and disappear. Everything is tethering in a balance. Captain," The Ancient one squarely looked at him in the eye.

"I did not mean to do that."

"Intentional or not, you are a man out of time who can choose the time he belongs in. Why don't you settle for one? She is here. You could be here..."

Steve glanced at Natasha's figure with his self. Both were smiling at each other.

"Is it selfish to watch her, them afar? But I couldn't take her away from myself, and I couldn't take her away from them. They deserved to fall in love with her as I did. They," Steve stopped himself. He saw his past self hesitating, slowly falling. "They should have the time to be with her, to love her."

"You love her. But you must make a choice. You cannot continue like this."

"Time, I want more time to be with her. I want her, but she also has him."

The Ancient glanced at him in understanding. "Time is something we can not play. The past is firm, set in your time. You now hold your future, Captain. What do you choose?"

Steve stared at Natasha and himself. He still was the man out of time.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you have time, see then "I Dream Of Love In 1945." It's a semi-continuation. ****Please read and review.**


End file.
